losing the race

I feel like I am in a race, but everyone is passing me at unimaginable speeds, but no matter how fast i try to go i am stuck in the same spot. Post high school has been really hard for me. Don't get me wrong college is great, but adulthood not so much. I miss the stability i had in high school, same schedule and responsibilities every single day, now my responsibilities sometimes change daily. I had a place that i "fit" in high school, but now i feel completely out of place. I had a best friend in HS who listened to me vent, and talk about none sense and things she didn't understand, but always listened and tried to understand, now we're not in the same place. I miss having someone who will listen because they cared about me as a person and wanted to make sure i was doing okay and not just because they feel obligated. I hate not knowing what i am going to study in college or how i am going to manage college and two jobs. High school was fun and comfortable, now i am completely out of my comfort zone. I've especially had some rough days with my jobs. I don't like being told that I'm mean or that kids hate me it gives me the worst feeling in the world. Sometimes when a kid from my daycare job tells me I'm mean i wonder if this is the right job for me. I just don't like being mean. When i think about school and my jobs and i talk to friends from school i feel like they know what they're doing in life. I, however, have no idea and get left behind. I don't want to lose the race, i don't want to be left behind.

Where are you Christmas?

One of my all time favorite Christmas movies is the 2000 version of the Grinch with Jim Carey. Cindy Lou Who, one of the main characters, is having her doubts about Christmas because she feels that the traditions that her town has at Christmas time are a bit overdoing it with all of the shopping, maxing out credit cards, cooking, and stress. She worries that maybe it is her and she doesn't know what to do, but hopes that maybe if the Grinch can get back into the Christmas spirit that their will be hope for her too. One of the songs on the movie sung by Cindy Lou Who is called "Where are you Christmas" (recorded also by Faith Hill). I really relate to music and the way artists express themselves through it. I have enjoyed this song for years and have recently recognized the message within the lyrics. In the beginning of the song the lyrics say:

"Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too"

I was thinking about the lyrics as I watched the movie play today and also while I watched the Christmas Devotional given by the First Presidency. All the talks given were amazing and help me to remember the symbolism and spirit behind the holiday of Christmas.President Monson said some things that really struck me: "I am saddened to see Christmas become less about Christ and more about worldly things". I think Cindy Lou felt the same as President Monson she knew Christmas was more than gifts, Christmas light competitions, decorations, and partying. There was something missing and young Cindy Lou recognized that. Further into his talk President Monson said that: "Christmas is what we make of it...[we need] to capture and keep christmas...the spirit of Christmas is Love, Generosity, and Goodness" Young Cindy Lou recognized the spirit of Christmas which is what brought her to show the Grinch Love, Generosity, and Goodness.  She invited the Grinch to see the goodness and love that Christmas brings out in people. Something we need to remember not only at Christmas time, but all year long. At the end of the song the lyrics change slightly and convey a different message they read:

"If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love"

We can feel the spirit of Christmas in our hearts all the time if we allow ourselves to. I think if we allow ourselves to feel the spirit of Christmas, and see the Joy that Christ's birth has brought the world,In 2 Nephi 19:2 and 6 it says: 

 2 The people that walked in darkness 

have seen a great light; they that dwell 

in the land of the shadow of death, 

upon them hath the light shined

6 For unto us a ^achild is born, unto us a son is

given; and the ^bgovernment shall be upon his 

shoulder; and his name shall be called, Wonderful, 

Counselor, The ^cMighty God, The ^dEverlasting Father, 

The Prince of ^ePeace.

I feel like we can be full of light and emmulate Christ  if we remember the reason for Christmas as God would want us to we can have the spriit with us at all times. Something I am especially grateful for this holiday season is the special Gift God has allowed me to have throughout my life, my family. No one else on the planet uderstands me like my famiyl and they love me unconditionally even when other people don't and when I probably don't deserve it. I love them so much and I am so grateful that I get to celebrate another thing that I hold so dear, my Savior with them.

Beautiful Heartbreak...

      I recently came across the song "Beautiful Heartbreak", by Hilary Weeks, on a friends facebook. The lyrics in the song our so inspiring. My friends mom passed away this past week and I didn't know what to say to him But, today in sacrament meeting was so amazing to me because as our testimony meeting began so many people bore their testimony to him wanting him to find comfort in the Lord and the Plan of Salvation. It is so amazing and comforting, for me, to know that we can be with our loved ones for eternity. Everything I wanted him to hear was said and you could feel the spirit so strong. Then, he got up to bear his testimony. His testimony was simple and short, but I think everyone in the room felt the power of his words. He simply said I know the church is true. It was so great for me to see this person I had been praying for come to realize the truthfulness of the gospel, something he had been struggling with. It was such a testimony builder for me that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers and loves us. Something that was so hard for my friend may be the beginning of something beautiful. The beginning of his testimony and the beginning of his step-dad making it to the temple and being sealed to his wife who has passed.
     I think sometimes we forget the things that really matter in life. Something my friend really has in perspective. His mom was apart of his life so much. He thought the world of her. It made me want to show more appreciation to my mom who I still have with me here on Earth who does so much for me that I don't even realize.I think a lot of the time we think that our parents already know how grateful we are for what they do, but we dont know how long they have left here, yes we have eternity, but we should be telling them daily how we feel. I just feel so blessed to have my friend in my life to see the growth and beauty that can come from this heartbreak he has had to endure and for my mom who is always their for me no matter what.

take time to smell the roses

Today the name of my blog is extremely appropriate. I've been babysitting for a family I go to church with. Lately, I have been getting asked to come more frequently I didnt know exactly why but i knew someone was in the hospital and in need of a liver. Over the past couple of days I have become more aware of the situation. This sweet mother, whose children I take care of, has been traveling to LA everyday to be with her sister whose sweet and innocent little 7 month old baby is suffering from a liver failure. I wish i could do more for these families during such a hard trial. I cant imagine this situation as a mother. Informing myself of the situation through blogs and facebook has made me feel so blessed to know that families are eternal. It also made me think how sometimes I argue with my siblings and parents. I need to "take time to smell the roses". not everyday is guaranteed and i dont want a day or life to pass and feel regret because of a way that i acted. I love my family and i am so grateful for them and everything they do for me. they are my best friends. I have the best family in the world.
pray for ruby!!