losing the race

I feel like I am in a race, but everyone is passing me at unimaginable speeds, but no matter how fast i try to go i am stuck in the same spot. Post high school has been really hard for me. Don't get me wrong college is great, but adulthood not so much. I miss the stability i had in high school, same schedule and responsibilities every single day, now my responsibilities sometimes change daily. I had a place that i "fit" in high school, but now i feel completely out of place. I had a best friend in HS who listened to me vent, and talk about none sense and things she didn't understand, but always listened and tried to understand, now we're not in the same place. I miss having someone who will listen because they cared about me as a person and wanted to make sure i was doing okay and not just because they feel obligated. I hate not knowing what i am going to study in college or how i am going to manage college and two jobs. High school was fun and comfortable, now i am completely out of my comfort zone. I've especially had some rough days with my jobs. I don't like being told that I'm mean or that kids hate me it gives me the worst feeling in the world. Sometimes when a kid from my daycare job tells me I'm mean i wonder if this is the right job for me. I just don't like being mean. When i think about school and my jobs and i talk to friends from school i feel like they know what they're doing in life. I, however, have no idea and get left behind. I don't want to lose the race, i don't want to be left behind.

Where are you Christmas?

One of my all time favorite Christmas movies is the 2000 version of the Grinch with Jim Carey. Cindy Lou Who, one of the main characters, is having her doubts about Christmas because she feels that the traditions that her town has at Christmas time are a bit overdoing it with all of the shopping, maxing out credit cards, cooking, and stress. She worries that maybe it is her and she doesn't know what to do, but hopes that maybe if the Grinch can get back into the Christmas spirit that their will be hope for her too. One of the songs on the movie sung by Cindy Lou Who is called "Where are you Christmas" (recorded also by Faith Hill). I really relate to music and the way artists express themselves through it. I have enjoyed this song for years and have recently recognized the message within the lyrics. In the beginning of the song the lyrics say:

"Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too"

I was thinking about the lyrics as I watched the movie play today and also while I watched the Christmas Devotional given by the First Presidency. All the talks given were amazing and help me to remember the symbolism and spirit behind the holiday of Christmas.President Monson said some things that really struck me: "I am saddened to see Christmas become less about Christ and more about worldly things". I think Cindy Lou felt the same as President Monson she knew Christmas was more than gifts, Christmas light competitions, decorations, and partying. There was something missing and young Cindy Lou recognized that. Further into his talk President Monson said that: "Christmas is what we make of it...[we need] to capture and keep christmas...the spirit of Christmas is Love, Generosity, and Goodness" Young Cindy Lou recognized the spirit of Christmas which is what brought her to show the Grinch Love, Generosity, and Goodness.  She invited the Grinch to see the goodness and love that Christmas brings out in people. Something we need to remember not only at Christmas time, but all year long. At the end of the song the lyrics change slightly and convey a different message they read:

"If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love"

We can feel the spirit of Christmas in our hearts all the time if we allow ourselves to. I think if we allow ourselves to feel the spirit of Christmas, and see the Joy that Christ's birth has brought the world,In 2 Nephi 19:2 and 6 it says: 

 2 The people that walked in darkness 

have seen a great light; they that dwell 

in the land of the shadow of death, 

upon them hath the light shined

6 For unto us a ^achild is born, unto us a son is

given; and the ^bgovernment shall be upon his 

shoulder; and his name shall be called, Wonderful, 

Counselor, The ^cMighty God, The ^dEverlasting Father, 

The Prince of ^ePeace.

I feel like we can be full of light and emmulate Christ  if we remember the reason for Christmas as God would want us to we can have the spriit with us at all times. Something I am especially grateful for this holiday season is the special Gift God has allowed me to have throughout my life, my family. No one else on the planet uderstands me like my famiyl and they love me unconditionally even when other people don't and when I probably don't deserve it. I love them so much and I am so grateful that I get to celebrate another thing that I hold so dear, my Savior with them.