I know i said attitude is everything in my last post, but how are you supposed to have a good attitude when so much hurts. I feel like so much has changed in my life since my last post and its hard to know what to do. I feel like I was finally starting to feel good about my life and like things were going to be okay, but then I started having issues with my friends and I just don't know who to talk to anymore. I saw one of those friends who doesnt really talk to me anymore through the death of his mom. My grandpa died yesterday and I thought maybe he'd be there for me like I was for him, I was wrong and that just hurts. I don't like to express my emotion, but with certain people, he was one of those people. sometimes I wonder if I am just trying to throw myself a pity party and I try to be happier and try to hide my feelings from my family also but sometimes it just hurts and I want to get it out. One thing I remember about my Grandpa who just passed is that he would always tell me how beautiful I was, every time he saw me. Somedays I really needed that, I needed someone to lift me up. I am really going to miss him. Sometimes I just want to have that person that I can go and cry to and not worry about being judged, I just need that friend and I don't really feel like I do right now. I just want a hug.