8 months

It has been 8 months since I returned home, after completing my 18 month mission in Sapporo, Japan. 8 months people!

You think it get easier with each new day, sometimes it does, but sometimes it is just plain difficult.

No one can quite understand the experience you had as a missionary, other missionaries get an idea, but each experience is different. With different trials, accomplishments, and people, we all have a slightly different experience.

There are so many things about being a missionary that I miss so much. I miss the Japanese people. I miss the culture. I miss the food, the smells, their smiles, and honesty.

But, the thing I think I missed most is having the title of missionary and being able to wear my nametag in representation of my Heavenly Father.

There is something so special about being a missionary. In my missionary call letter it says:

"Dear Sister Miller:
You are hereby called to serve as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Japan Sapporo Mission......You have been recommended as one worthy to represent the Lord as a minister of the restored gospel. You will be an official representative....As you devote your time and attention to serving the Lord, leaving behind all other personal affairs, the Lord will bless you.......Your purpose will be to invite others to come unto Christ...Greater blessings and more happiness than you have yet experienced await you as you humbly and prayerfully serve the Lord in this labor of love among His children."

(yes, I still read my call letter every now and then, I love it)

There is nothing greater than working towards helping others recognize what they mean to their Heavenly Father. Doing this 24 hrs. a day, 7 days a week was the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life, thus far. As I told people what they meant to their Heavenly Father, I felt it for them and for myself. The love I had for the people around me grew and I desired to share this knowledge more and more with everyone I came in contact with. As my desire to share this knowledge, that God is our Heavenly Father, we are His children, and He loves us more than we can comprehend, my understanding of the depth of that love grew. I had a closeness with God that I had never had before. One that I couldn't and wouldn't deny.

As a missionary, I would spend 3-4 hours studying each morning, and everything I did was centered on my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I would spend time reading countless articles, scriptures, and other church material. The music I listened to, the activities I participated in, and all of my actions were focused on reaching out to my fellow brothers and sisters. I received greater joy from this, than form anything else.

Then, my 18 months came to an end. It was a bittersweet ending. I was so sad to leave behind all that I had grown to love, not only the people, but the experience I had had serving them. But, I was so excited to reunite with my family (I had grown a greater appreciation and love for them as I had been separated from them). Words cannot express the mixture of emotions I felt as my plane took of from Japan and headed to America. Tears streaming down my face, I knew something great had just ended.

Just like that I was back in America, back with my loved ones, and forced back into "normal" life. I've been in "normal" life for 8 months now, and I am still trying to figure it out. I want to feel that same closeness I had with my Heavenly Father when I was on my mission. It's difficult because I can still feel that way with my Heavenly Father, but it is different because I no longer have the sacred calling. I am no longer a missionary. And, it is time to move on, BUT I will always look to my mission with gratitude that my Heavenly Father had the confidence in me to be able to love His children.

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God"
Doctrine & Covenants 18:10